Gay In The Big City

2.01 - The Element of Freedom, Part One

2010-01-03T05:00:00.013-06:00

“And the day came – when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud, was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. This, is the Element of Freedom”There are many roads we travel. Many paths we take on the journey to get to wherever the hell the end destination is. These paths should be treaded upon with great courage - for they can be very

2.00 - Love Game

2009-06-21T05:00:00.007-05:00

In Life, there's always some twist. Some hidden turn throwing you in for a loop, sending you right back to square one. Then, when you roll the dice and your turn comes, you move along only to find depending on what square you are on, there's still miles to go -- and even more twist -- before you reach the end.Love, being apart of Life, has the same formula. It's a mini-game within the game 'Life'

1.15 - The Map, Part Two

2009-04-12T05:00:00.003-05:00

What good is a map for if it doesn't detail the path to reach what you've been searching for?In life, we want structure. Though come to think of it, life doesn't have structure. It's this big chaotic mess, having no concrete meaning unless we give it. We feel, see, touch, smell, taste, feel; experience, grow, live and walk paths taking us to our final destination.It's amazing how maps work,

1.14 - The Map, Part One

2009-04-05T05:00:00.007-05:00

The journey through love is an uncertain one.We never know when we'll reach the end, nor never know if there's even an end. Sometimes cul-de-sac's turn us around in a circle. We journey down one way streets to find the only thing it leads to is a dead end. Or we have to make a "you-turn" to find our own direction. Even though love has 'unmovable' destination, finding it could take a whole

1.13 - Rainy Days

2009-03-29T05:00:00.004-05:00

You know those days when you wake up, and you're so open, so vulnerable to everything around you? Your alarm clock goes off, but you lie in bed another half hour, hugging your pillow tightly. You mind is raptured by muddled emotion, thoughts of the past; how it's affecting your present and how you don't want it to affect your future. You feel a tear, roll down and you wish more would come. You

1.12 - The Risk Factor

2009-03-22T05:00:00.002-05:00

Dilemma: You have this guy who’s become a very good friend. You’ve known him for over a year now and you two are cool friends now. You didn’t really like him at first (‘cause you thought he was an egotistical asshole), but as time went on, he starts to grow on you. Over the course of a year, you’ve sorta grown close, especially over the past few months. Feelings, of the “I think I like you as

1.11 - Freedom

2009-03-15T05:00:00.005-05:00

When we were young, especially round the time we hit puberty, we couldn’t wait ‘til we have freedom; to be independent from our parents, pick our own clothes, to be our own person. We’d rebel if we felt the world was too strict on us, or applied too much pressure. We’d stepped outside the lines to test just how far we could go, played with fire to see how much you could stand without getting

1.10 - Big City, Small World

2009-03-08T05:00:00.006-05:00

Chicago. One of the biggest cities in the world. Many different people from all walks of life. Great Scenery. Diversity. Nightlife. Artlife. This city has it all…So much, people escape their small time kitties to experience big city living. Though I’ve realized even in the big city, there are some things you can’t escape.There are close to 3 million people in Chicago. I don’t want to go over

1.09 - Ironic

2009-03-01T05:00:00.004-06:00

As I look through my window, I see snow falling on this first day of March.Waiting for Spring to come I figure it’s ironic how it’s cold outside, yet I’m waiting for my frozen vodka to defrost a tad in order to ‘warm’ me up a bit.Though there are more ironic happenstances other than the usual Chicago weather... or my drinking habits.Things never making sense, but making all sorts of sense in the

1.08 - The Thing About Love

2009-02-22T05:00:00.002-06:00

So, the final week in the ‘Month of Love’ is here…At this stage, the ‘love’ you’ve made this month could either be taking off, or burning to ashes slowly, or quickly. You could be on ‘Cloud Nine’ or surfing the ‘Ninth Circle of Hell’Recently, I spoke of love being this tragedy; a ‘Greek Epic Drama’ of climatic proportions, something that leaves you almost immobilized while you’re in it, but

1.07 - Love Yourself

2009-02-15T05:00:00.001-06:00

In the spirit of love, take this into consideration...Love YourselfAnd true love will come in due timeTwo halvesMake a wholeFirst become whole on your ownLove yourselfAnd true loveWill comeIn due time...

1.06 - Labels or Love?

2009-02-08T05:00:00.009-06:00

‘Old Navy’.‘ Express’. ‘Salvation Army’. ‘Dior’.‘My Man’. ‘Boyfriend’. ‘Fuck Buddy’. ‘Husband’.We give each of these names some sort of meaning in the conjugal language of ‘Love’; giving some sort of definition to how we feel about the person we are in a relationship with.But in actuality do they really mean much, if anything, at all?Labels. We all know what they are, how they function and

1.05 - The Month of 'Love'

2009-02-01T05:00:00.006-06:00

And so it begins.The month of ‘Love’ has arrived.February. The time of the year where everyone is either pondering on love they have, love loss or potential love: in preparation for possibly the greatest Hallmark holiday of them all...Valentine’s Day.Sweeties, Sweehearts or Sweet Fucks begin their yearly ritual of getting those who they ‘love’, sweet gifts: messages in candy hearts, chocolates

1.04 - Used Sex

2009-01-25T05:00:00.006-06:00

Ever since the first time I’ve had sex, I’ve rarely slept with the same guy twice…While doing some research for a new TV show I’ve been developing, I found myself on the Craiglist.org, M4M (Men for Men) forum.WHAM!A whole forum on the internet where horny pseudo-straight, bi (curious?), gay, whatever your fancy may be, Men can get off and get on with the next conquest…For the longest time I’d

1.03 - Connect For?

2009-01-18T05:00:00.012-06:00

In the big city, there are plenty of connections to be made.Whether it be the drunk guy talking to you while catching up with your ex, or your ex in general.Friendships, relationships, family, strangers and those foreign to you.Conquest and sexcapades.All these connections, potential or cemented, have made impacts on our lives but what do these connections really mean?In building a new friendship

1.02 - 'Love' Is A Tragedy

2009-01-11T05:00:00.002-06:00

Love.Love…Love?I’ve been pondering lately just what ‘Love’ really is.Is it Zeus, smiting us again from above to make us “fall” and burn, or (if we’re fortunate enough), be enlightened? After splitting us into two?Or Cupid, striking us with his arrow through our hearts, killing our rationale and judgement; rendering us to infatuation?Is it magnetics? North attracts south and vice versa?Or is it

1.01 - My Application for 2009

2009-01-04T01:12:00.003-06:00

Status: Single.Sex: Male (Questionable?)Age: Nineteen.Race: African-AmericanOrientation: Gay.Gay.In the Big City.It’s 2009. Two-double zero-nine. And I’m still gay. And still living in the big city. Full of promise, opportunity, life, but most (and least, I’m not too sure yet…) of all...Men. With a capital “Men”.You know other things synonymous with “Men”?Mental. Masochist. Masturbate.In nineteen

Dust

2008-12-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

Still I riseFrom the ashesDustBlowing in the windSins of the pastLastingAs I fall in a bound of interlockingStalkingLike the shadows that walk behind meDarkness risingAs night falls and the sun shines brightThe sunlight shines right through the moonThe biggest star in the worldFrom the liesI lived in yesterdayI understand the pain and struggle of todayI understand the ones I hurt on my journeyBut

Golden Key

2008-12-08T05:47:00.001-06:00

Muddy watersMurky, what lurks there?It's an ambiguity that's know to meThe morning fog warms meOf these dark waters I shall treadFinding myself loving the light in othersWhile stifling through the darkness in meI fee like every piece and part of meAre parts to create a puzzle of a grand designAligned with the spirit of souls before meTheir solace is the beacon for my peaceTheir sunrise wakes me

Inspi(RED)

2008-12-01T03:30:00.001-06:00

A piece I wrote for "World Aids Day 2008"Inspired, by the red within my veins; the blood flowing through I no longer know.Born into this world; a sinner before I came out of the birth canal, this is not the direction I chose.Watching the clock waning in and out like the soft beacon in the night sky, the darkest hour has already come but yet the moon has still risen.Time, the fickle little being I

The Process: Songwriting

2008-11-24T09:35:00.008-06:00

"Letting the words and melodies escape from your soul, then flowing from a pen to a piece of paper. From spirit to piano. Words that honestly have no meaning until you give them some sort of form, some sort of meaning. Melodies, harmonies, cadences; fluid movements guiding the darkness and the light."Songwriting is such an underrated process. Of course the finished product is the masterpiece

The Walk

2008-11-17T12:38:00.003-06:00

I just took a walkBreathed in the brisk airCried a littleOn the busy streetsAnd the thoughts in my headAsking myself is it all worth it...Patience is a virtueHappiness fleesJoy uplifts the spiritHow pleasing is it to be...Apart of something so wonderfulSomething so surrealTo feel, the touch of the handHaving the power to healI have a leaf upon my earAnd just like a flowerIt bloomed when the new

Silence.

2008-10-27T08:51:00.001-05:00

Very Special People... Of The Special Kind

2008-10-20T23:19:00.003-05:00

Best Friends are like stars.Their infinite light burns so brightly, even in the darkest of the night.Gloria HollowayArian JohnsonGiselle GalanKelley LeungToyquis MooreEric SmithMartin MedinaJen WilsonTasha HawkinsDavette BakerThank you all for being the stars that light up my life. Guide my eyes to the prize as well as Illuminate my spirit. Through you all, I've come through the wilderness and

The Last "Teen"

2008-10-13T06:41:00.001-05:00

19 years ago on October 12, 1989, at 19:18 (7:18pm), a child was born to 19-year-olds Lisa Delaine Holloway and Antuan Michael Johnson, Sr. A child whose destiny was written as soon as their soul was placed in his body. Their path; their journey imprinted on the spirit and was put into motion as soon as they were shown to the world.I still can't believe that child was me.It's weird to think that

Soundtrack

2008-10-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

I love music. If you know me, or have gotten to know me, or will get to know me, you'll figure out it's my second love next to the art of television.It amazes me how music is able to tell poignant, heartbreaking, heartwarming, heart-wreching stories, on average, a matter of three and a half minutes.This past week, I've realized how much I've been listening to music and using the words and

Time, Part Two

2008-09-29T12:03:00.001-05:00

Time, Part TwoSequel to Time, Part OneTime, A Short Story based on "Time" a Sarah McLachlan Song...You see love--- a tight, thorny thread that you spin into a circle of gold…You knew how I felt about you, you knew how I much I loved you. I cannot help but to want to die right now because you knew all this but yet you neglected me. And what puts me even close to the brink of my sentence of death

Time, Part One

2008-09-22T23:33:00.004-05:00

TimeA Short Story based off a Sarah McLachlan song called “Time”Time here, all but means nothing…It’s 3:33 in the morning and I’m tossing and turning in your bed. Thoughts are running through my head and love is flowing through my heart. My body is aching and sore from the night before and the love we shared. Though when I awaken from slumber I see no figure beside me. You were no longer beside

Epiphany

2008-09-15T17:07:00.003-05:00

I wake to find myself waiting for that moment to come. The moment where everything is at peace and my soul is allowed rest. I search within my mind to find a deeper meaning to all this. I sleep to dream of what will happen. I can’t seem to find or create an answer. It’s locked in the shadows of the unconscious; locked away, kept secret. Even from its owner.Am I asking the wrong questions or

Words. Actions. Oppression. FEAR.

2008-09-08T06:45:00.004-05:00

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but WORDS will never hurt you"You're taught that when you're young. But you grow to realize that this saying, as well as plenty of other notions you were taught as a child were only a bevy of lies.This past Friday, while walking up the stairs to get home after coming home from night class, I flipped someone off. I never like flipping people off unless it's

The "EX" Files

2008-09-01T09:13:00.011-05:00

*Enter the creepy "X-Files" theme music [don-don-dee-don, dun-da-dun-da-dun-dun-de-dun]*In light of awkwardness of seeing my most recent ex around, my friends telling me about exes as well meeting other people sharing stories about their exes, I realized I have never ever been able to be good "friends" with any of my past boyfriends. I have a sense of why this seems to be the case; but I've

You Are A Reflection Of You

2008-08-25T01:00:00.001-05:00

Every time I get up in the morning, I walk to the mirror and I see someone staring back at me. Beautiful brown skin. Piercing dark brown eyes. Short, faded black hair. Curly lashes. Lush lips. Big nose. A beautiful creature created with amazing features; perfected and made to be the image it was truly meant to be.The reflection of the outer beauty in which I possess.But there's another beauty I

Gay Sex, In The Big City

2008-08-18T12:16:00.014-05:00

Sex.Kissing. Foreplay. Touching. Wetness. The heat of two bodies meeting, connection.Sweat.Lips to lips. Skin to skin. Eyes meet as he slips in...Thrust. Back. Forth.Back, forth.Back and forth.Sweet moaning, endorphins releasing; pleasure rising to a climatic ending.That's nifty and all, but happens before and after? Especially for gay men?In a culture where I am told I am a promiscuous,

Shoes

2008-08-11T21:10:00.009-05:00

It's amazing what shoes can do for your life. It's the protection that keeps you from soaking up the bad energy in the world, keeps your feet uncut and clean and is like the little "clothes" you dress up your feet with. Shoes are the little things you yearn for when you're window shopping, sometimes the missing piece to a great look. Shoes are the end piece of the outfit, and you feel great when

No post for 04 August 2008

2008-08-05T14:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry, the power went out with the storm and what not. I didn't want to post today because it would ruin the whole "every Monday" flow, so...LOOK OUT FOR NEXT MONDAY'S POST!!!X's and O's-AJM

Living Single

2008-07-28T10:21:00.000-05:00

There was a point in my life where I felt like if I didn't have that one special person, that one special love of my life, or hell, even a person in my life who I was "romantically" involved with in some way or shared some sort of intimacy with, that I was alone and that it was destined to be so.It hasn't been until recently that I have come to terms with my "single-dom". It's been a crazy ride

GITBC, Parte Due - Dreams and Fairytales (thwarted by technology...)

2008-07-21T20:15:00.001-05:00

I remember when I was like 12 or so, how I dreamed about how I'd lose my virginity...It is night. A Full Moon. We are sitting in a house by the ocean, the waves hitting the rocks hard. Candles are lit on a crimson table cloth and rose petals are scattered. A guy comes out with two plates of dinner, don't know what it is, but I know it's lovely. We eat, we talk, we laugh, we look at each other.

Gay In The Big City, Parte Uno - Dreams and Fairytales

2008-07-21T14:17:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time, there lived an 18-year old gay male; who lived in the big, grand city called Chicago. This city, his hometown has been the love and bane of his existence as opportunities, both positive and negative has lead him to the point where is now, writing this blog. Right now, he could be in New York, living out his "Sex In The City" dreams, attending New York University, meeting Spike